Okay yall I wont front I may step on some toes in this post but I have to speak my heart and know I speak it in love. This is kind of a sequel to the last post The Humiliation of Humility
Ima just go right in and say it. When a lot of people think of STRONG WOMEN, especially STRONG BLACK WOMEN, they think of masculine or manly women. (This is wrong because you can be strong and not masculine; which is truly the short version of this post but yall know Im somewhat long winded)
In my years I have sought the counsel of many men, mostly black and the one thing I hear more often than not is black women are too masculine, too dominating. They always got to be the boss. What is funny to me is that when I speak to my sistas all I hear is a deep yearning to NOT have to be so strong, to be with someone they can be vulnerable and even weak with at times. The underlying issue is here is the fact that these women do not feel they can be these things. Not because the qualities do not exist in them but because the men in their lives have shown them time and time again that if they put down the batton they wont pick it up and black women are left to pick up the pieces.
Pause... let me interject here that I personally do not agree with that mindset and feel it is a HUGE play of the enemy to divide and conquer our homes. If you walk with me for a moment (okay a few moments) I will tie it all together and hopefully make some sense.
The first response I always get from women when I present these point is but they; they being men, mainly black men. And let me just state it now - I AM NOT TALKING TO THEM, I AM TALKING TO YOU! I cannot speak to a black man because I am not a man, period. I can only speak to you because I can relate. And her is another thing LADIES FIRST. Yep you read/heard that correctly. Ladies first, while men were made first we set the tone while they set the pace. Period! I know it sucks boo who but hey they got plites we will never understand and it's too many people coming at us, our homes and communities for us to be coming at each other.
So my disclaimer. If you really about BLACK LIVES MATTER, if you really about that life and realize that there is a war on us and our families they you'll remove your short-sighted selfish thoughts for 2.5 and realize that aint no black lives without no black family and this is so much bigger than you or me. It started before us and will go beyond our children.
Now that we got that out of the way let me confess, I am a recovering masculine mama. There I said it, my son's father would be so proud of me. You see I was a feminist and did not even realize it. I had feminist confused with femininity and they ARE NOT the same thing.
So how do we as women go first and give our men space to as we always like to say 'man up'
1. We move out of the dam way! Two people cannot occupy the same role in one relationship.
2. We renew our minds and admit that we need them as much as they need us.
3. We express a different type of strength, in our meekness, discretion and gentleness
4. We raise our sons and daughters to operate in their design; the only design that I truly feel is separate, distinct and equal all at the same time
5. Select better men to begin with!!! I cannot stress enough that we set the bar. And once we raise it collectively they will rise to it.
Transitioning from a masculine feminist to honoring and walking in your femininity is no easy feat. It takes work to rewire the brain and combate all of the naysayers along the way. However if you are ready to take those steps I want to help you do that. For starters join my group here. Then let's get to work.
You posses a power that can do more for you embracing it than it ever could distorting it!
Love you sis,